The only thing Kcee ever talks about is women, sex and his girlfriend. With time, conversations with him became boring and monotonous. He would not give you the opportunity to share your own experiences, yet he won't give your ears a break from his chain of monotonous sexcapades. He knew all the girls in the neighbourhood, their histories, whom they had dated, how loose each of them were and how much it would cost for them to spread their legs like butter on your bread. One time, I even saw a very beautiful young girl and enquired about her history from the ladies archives beside me, Kcee didn't fail to live up to expectation as he acutely downloaded the girl's biography, starting from her age, how she used to bathe nude as a child, and how he watched her grow pubic hairs and other good things of womanhood.
Over the past two months I've spent in Kaduna as an NYSC(orps) member, I have met a whole lot of people, some good, others bad, some optimistic while some are just indifferent to their dreams if at all they have any. During my first week as a lone ranger in the city of Kaduna, my Parents made all the research they could until they discovered that a close family friend had a brother in Kaduna. That was it. The calls went back and forth and before I could recover from a sneeze, I found a middle aged man at my door. He introduced himself as whom I thought he was. Very energetic, talkative and extroverted, that same evening, both of us were rolling like old school mates who just reunited after loosing contact for two decades.
That Night, he took me to the house of one of his clients in my neighbourhood for some business transactions. His client was Kcee's father, and as a sharp guy, I quickly struck up some conversation with everyone in the house. By the end of our 45-minute stay, I knew the names of everyone in the house, called their mum 'mummy' about three times and realised they had two siblings in boarding school. Two days later, I was a regular visitor at their home, Kcee's mobile number was on my phone, and I was eating free meals whenever I cared to show up. So to solidify this new beautiful arrangement, I had to become very good friends with Kcee, by doing most of the spending that came with the friendship.
Once Kcee realised I was an ex-Unilag boy, he started sharing his 'bad guy' experiences in an unnecessary bid to live up to expectations he assumed I had already attained. He was a chronic smoker, social alcoholic and full-time womaniser. What an impressive CV! especially when coupled with the fact that he was a part-time runway model and a fair-weather MC. Anyways, as I already stated in the first paragraph, Kcee was never one to let you brag about your own conquests, so he never got the opportunity to know that I had no social bad habits to even brag about. I was just a boring Unilag student who had a lot of fun friends. I loved my life and lungs and never considered blackening them with cigarrete smoke a good thing, neither did I consider indiscrimately sleeping with ladies. The only thing I could brag about -drinking- was something I kept private. Come on, whoever brags about drinking? That's as common as cold.
Over the weeks, his bragging progressed to how many women he had slept with. In all honesty, recalling how many of them there were is an exercise I can't do for free. Over the past two weeks he had slept with over eight of these 'Loose' girls as he fondly call them. Its just pathetic how some of these cheap boys end up calling girls cheap. Say one scenario, we were together, then this random chick pops-up in his facebook inbox, they get chatting, she calls him a fine boy, he flatters her in return, the next day he wants to see her, she's cool with the proposal, his address finds it's way into her inbox, the bike she took stops at the front of his house, he welcomes her inside, they sit on a couch in the sittingroom, he buys her a bottle of soft drink, he flatters her a bit, she rests her legs on his legs, her head becomes so heavy that she has to rest it on his shoulders, he grabs her twin towers and she goes for his joystick, after thirty minutes of 'lashing' he comes out and brags about how she is just a loose 'bitch' and how he 'forked' the hell out of her. Really Dude? She wanted you since facebook, she asked you out, and she came and got it, within forty-eight hours she already got what she wants from this male pimp, who still walks around bragging about who is loose. Come on man, can't you even see that you're the prostitute in the equation, you're loose! And she's a goal-getter, in between, who knows she may have even F'd the hell out of you. Just saying.
Written by
Favour Onyeoziri (social media extrovert)
For: rouvafe.blogspot.com
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