Virginity and Marriage
Generally used to depict a state of purity and stainlessness, the word 'virginity' however becomes more important once it is used to refer to the state of human sexuality, chastity and morality.
When used in reference to humour and sex, virginity is mostly used to depict the general state of abstinence from active sex by an individual. In relation to our societal definition of the word, foreplay and romance are all on the periphery while virginity is concerned strictly with the physical sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. These days, it can also extend to the many other different ways models through which people have decided to have sex.
Over time however, Men seem to have been excluded from the intense debate ongoing in relation to sexual chastity and its fancy name - Virginity. This is quite understandable since there is no physical manner or sign with which to identify the virginity or non virginity of the men-folk. In this regard however, the female gender is a sharp contrast to their male counterparts, as the presence or absence of the hymen has been generally acclaimed as a veritable means to ascertain the chastity of any Woman, Lady or Girl.
Generally used to depict a state of purity and stainlessness, the word 'virginity' however becomes more important once it is used to refer to the state of human sexuality, chastity and morality.
When used in reference to humour and sex, virginity is mostly used to depict the general state of abstinence from active sex by an individual. In relation to our societal definition of the word, foreplay and romance are all on the periphery while virginity is concerned strictly with the physical sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. These days, it can also extend to the many other different ways models through which people have decided to have sex.
Over time however, Men seem to have been excluded from the intense debate ongoing in relation to sexual chastity and its fancy name - Virginity. This is quite understandable since there is no physical manner or sign with which to identify the virginity or non virginity of the men-folk. In this regard however, the female gender is a sharp contrast to their male counterparts, as the presence or absence of the hymen has been generally acclaimed as a veritable means to ascertain the chastity of any Woman, Lady or Girl.
Although, I personally believe that the presence or absence of the hymen in a female Vagina is not enough proof of virginity, many people in present day society would be rather too quick to take a dissenting perspective. Over the centuries, the subject of virginity has been thoroughly over-flogged by both literates and peasants alike. In the same vein, these perspectives and opinions has evolved over time, even as it seems to continually lose its significance with each passing generation.
From bearing a huge significance during the precolonial era in Africa, In post-colonial Africa, the concept of virginity seems to have gradually lost a huge portion of its allure, as have many others of our cultural heritage.
Unlike years past, today young boys and girls freely partake in sexual activities, youths have no restraint whatsoever when it comes to engaging in pre-marital sexual intercourse. It is no more news that among teenagers and adolescents, virginity as a virtue is becoming not only unfashionable, but also detestable. Virginity has been cloaked with the cape of vices as opposed to it being a sign of virtuousness.
Whether this new trend among adolescents is something desirable or not is alien to the intentions which birthed this essay. Instead, this discourse is more concerned with the relationship, if any, between virginity and marriage; with an emphasis on the female gender.
It is not strange to hear men speak of marrying virgins as if this bears any immediate relevance to the marriage. Many of these men have not been able to explain exactly why they wish so desperately to marry Virgins. Those bold enough to attempt a decoy of their clueless would readily tell you that "marrying a virgin is a thing of pride". Sure, it may be a thing of pride, however marriage itself is beyond such selfish attempts to fuel one's ego with over-bloated and inconsequential factorials.
Unfortunately, some ladies are also of this ideological persuasion. They think that being a virgin is so much of a priced possession that it guarantees a successful marriage and family.
It would be biased of me, not to mention the many underlying positive qualities behind any lady, decent enough to have denied anyone access to her treasure Island before marriage. In our present day society were peers and the media pressures everyone into immoral trends, a virgin is surely an epitome of resilience and inner strength, she is someone who in spite of all odds, has learnt to withstand undue influences. She is unconventional, sincere to herself and at the least, can be adjudged morally upright in the sexual respect.
Unfortunately however, it takes more than a tough skin against friends and the society to make a good marriage. Successful marriages are built on love, mutual respect, and understanding between couples.
Marriages are volatile grounds where tolerance is necessary to maintain peace and cordiality. It would take more than running away from boys, men and sex to build a marriage, amongst other factors, a marriage would require one to come out of their closet to embrace issues through dialogue and frequent communication.
Onyeoziri Favour
(Writer, poet and blogger at
rouvafe.blogspot.com)
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